


Rate Your Captain: The Harusame Survey!

by MadHatterLilith



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21850207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadHatterLilith/pseuds/MadHatterLilith
Summary: Abuto and the rest of the crew are required to take a survey on their captain. If they give him good ratings, they live but are stick with him. If they're honest, they face a fate worse than death: bathroom duty.
Relationships: Abuto & Kamui (Gintama)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	Rate Your Captain: The Harusame Survey!

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write something funny but really didn't do well lol  
> Originally posted on Silver Soul/Kintama amino!
> 
> Edit: updated several times to remove that, but this fic is not part of the series, please ignore that lol

He'd been around a long while. He'd seen some ridiculous things, done some idiotic things, and met people with outlandish ideas. But this?

This took the cake for sure. 

It wasn't that he hadn't heard of it before, but...were they really still doing this?

Almost as ridiculous as thinking you could stuff a ton of Yato into a ship and have them not kill each other or other people for food or fun...Well, maybe it wasn't that absurd compared to what they usually thought was a good idea. 

Still...a "Rate your Captain" survey? The older man shuddered. He could only see this ending one way for him if he was truthful; the punishment that he would receive was worse than death or even torture...

_Bathroom duty._

He shuddered in absolute horror at the thought. Snippets of Hosen's reign flashed through his mind. His best friend on the crew once had bathroom cleaning chores then...he was never the same again after that.

No one should ever have to go through the torture that is cleaning up after twenty or so pirates. It was worse than even the public bathrooms at a shopping center on a good day. 

And if he didn't do the survey? On the low chance it actually got submitted, he'd be assigned bathroom duty at HQ, another fate worse than death.

Just a bit of bending the truth wouldn't hurt, right?

_1\. On a scale of 1 to 5, how often does your Captain listen to the crew complaints?_

He hesitated before writing down his answer. He remembered a recent event when a crew member complained about holes in the floor. Apparently, they were getting annoying for maintenance to patch up.

So Kamui took the understanding route and put his head through the ceiling instead.

Abuto circled 5.

_2.On a scale of 1-5, how fair is your Captain when it comes to distribution of supplies (food, medication, and so on)?_

This one was a hard one...Last week a crew member needed some bandages to cover a nasty cut on his leg, but they were out. Kamui walked by the ship hospital with his face covered. But that was fine; it would heal in a day or two and an infamous pirate had to hide his face from time to time. As for food, well, that was survival of the fittest to start with.

He circled 4.

_3\. On a scale of 1-5 how organized is your Captain?_

Kamui wasn't a clean freak but he didn't exactly keep order of things. He depended on others to keep track of stuff like that, which worked out a bit better since a grumpy Kamui meant you got to take a nice little trip out the air lock.

He hesitated a moment before circling 4 again.

_4.On a scale of 1 to 5, how careful is your Captain about causing unnecessary property damage on other planets?_

This one was a bit harder to fib about considering the headquarters were the ones who covered the costs and fines for it all. Then again, how do they define unnecessary damage? If the parts of house that get crushed are useful, isn't it necessary?

He careful circled three, making his circle wide enough to go through part of four. Just to be on the safe side.

_5\. How often does your Captain do his/her own paperwork? (You get the drill.)_

Abuto glanced at the ever growing stack of work on his unsteady desk. Couldn't hurt to be honest, right?

With mild frustration, he circled 1.

_Finally, how would you rate your Captain's overall captain-ing abilities?_

He double, triple circled the five. And in case Kamui saw it, he scribbled random blurbs of flattering compliments to make up for that moment of honesty.

A week later, he was planning the premature memorial for the idiot who thought honesty was the best policy. (Despite being a pirate?) Plus, he had to get a new arm AGAIN because apparently telling the captain that he has lovely hair doesn't make up for admitting that he's too lazy to do his own paperwork.

Still, another proud survival story for the vice captain of the Harusame's 7th division.


End file.
